Reflection on COVID-19 from The Perspective Of A Sad Teen

Reflection on COVID-19 from The Perspective Of A Sad Teen

Carly Stange

I wish I could tell you this global pandemic has allowed me to take the time to improve upon myself. This, however, would be a big, fat lie. I am devastated. I am thankful that no one I know is sick, but that doesn’t change the fact that I cry myself to sleep every other night. I assume a lot of people reflect on pre-corona times as better times, but for me it all blends together. I was struggling before this pandemic exploded in my face. Still, however, the future gave me hope. Growing up, I always bragged about having the coolest graduation year, 2020. Go figure, huh. I wanted to wear a cap and gown. I wanted to make my family proud. I wanted to celebrate with my friends. Instead, I have not seen them in months. I can not help but feel like time is running out. I do not want to be six feet apart anymore. I want a hug. This was supposed to be a magical time, but I feel as though I am in a horror movie instead of a fantasy film. I want this nightmare to end. I want to feel proud of four years of hard work instead of spending what’s supposed to be the final home stretch of my education in despair. Instead of mastering a new skill, my bad habits have only gotten worse. Distance learning does not work for me. I’ve become a master procrastinator. That, however, isn’t even the worst of it. It’s so easy to go insane when you have all the time in the world to overthink. I beat myself up all day. My inner voice is relentless. I wish it would just shut up, but alas I feel as though I am constantly in a battle with myself, my worst enemy. Do not be so hard on yourself, everyone says. They are right, but I never listen. Every day, I set my alarm for early in the morning so that I can wake up and have a fresh start. I think of elaborate plans to become someone that meditates in the morning and goes on runs. Nonetheless, I always wake at noon and feel guilty that I failed to execute the unrealistic endeavors I dreamt of the night before. I know I can not control this virus, but you’d think I could at least control myself.

English

East Greenwich, RI

This reflection is an insight as to what the thoughts of a grieving high school graduate look like during this time.