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                  <text>Recrudescence (Pandemic Journal 2020-2022)</text>
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                  <text>As the pandemic continued month after month and the isolation became unbearable but still necessary, I found that I no longer gained enough intellectual satisfaction from creating classical music compositions (my forte), especially since my newest works probably would not be performed until Covid-19 was conquered. So instead I wrote and gathered together diary-like essays, literary critiques, philosophical musings, poetry, short stories, and narratives from contemporary experience as well as from deep in memory. I had written them each month to send to friends, with no thought of continuity—they would range where ever my mind and imagination wanted to go. I preferred to stay away from discussions about the coronavirus of which I knew little, the care givers who appeared to be so heroic, or the victims of the disease who were even more confined than I was and whose desperate circumstances were so frightening. Nor was I thinking of it as being a diary—my hermetic life was not interesting enough for that type of documentation. No, my writings were meant to be a diversion, to take one away from the horrific plague that in 2020-22 ingulfed us. I must confess that I have made no attempt to stick with subjects that I think would interest a general public. I am not even sure I would know what these would be. So, my suggestion is to only read those entries which excite your own imagination or generate some curiosity.&#13;
&#13;
About the Author&#13;
Geoffrey D. Gibbs, Professor Emeritus of Music Composition at the University of Rhode Island, received a DMA degree in composition and voice from the Eastman School of Music (University of Rochester, NY) in 1974. Born in 1940, Dr. Gibbs began his music training at age seven and was soon composing his own pieces. In high school he studied composition privately with Elie Siegmeister noted for championing American folk music. At Eastman he studied composition with Howard Hanson and Bernard Rogers. He began teaching composition and related subjects at URI in 1965 and has remained in Rhode Island since that time.&#13;
He retired from URI in 2001 to devote all of his energies to creative projects. His interest in literature blossomed when he typed, edited, and annotated a thousand of his father’s poems and many essays. During his years of retirement three operas of his were premiered. His works were performed in Boston, Providence, Dartmouth College, the University of Rhode Island, Vibe of the Venue, Aurea Ensemble, Verdant Vibes Ensemble and the Fall River Symphony. As well he has had works performed at the Kennedy Center (Washington, DC) and as far away as Russia and South America. As mentioned above, it was during the last two years when it was difficult to present concerts, that Geoffrey Gibbs devoted much of his time to creating his pandemic journal.</text>
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              <text>I wish I could tell you this global pandemic has allowed me to take the time to improve upon myself. This, however, would be a big, fat lie. I am devastated. I am thankful that no one I know is sick, but that doesn’t change the fact that I cry myself to sleep every other night. I assume a lot of people reflect on pre-corona times as better times, but for me it all blends together. I was struggling before this pandemic exploded in my face. Still, however, the future gave me hope. Growing up, I always bragged about having the coolest graduation year, 2020. Go figure, huh. I wanted to wear a cap and gown. I wanted to make my family proud. I wanted to celebrate with my friends. Instead, I have not seen them in months. I can not help but feel like time is running out. I do not want to be six feet apart anymore. I want a hug. This was supposed to be a magical time, but I feel as though I am in a horror movie instead of a fantasy film. I want this nightmare to end. I want to feel proud of four years of hard work instead of spending what’s supposed to be the final home stretch of my education in despair. Instead of mastering a new skill, my bad habits have only gotten worse. Distance learning does not work for me. I’ve become a master procrastinator. That, however, isn’t even the worst of it. It’s so easy to go insane when you have all the time in the world to overthink. I beat myself up all day. My inner voice is relentless. I wish it would just shut up, but alas I feel as though I am constantly in a battle with myself, my worst enemy. Do not be so hard on yourself, everyone says. They are right, but I never listen. Every day, I set my alarm for early in the morning so that I can wake up and have a fresh start. I think of elaborate plans to become someone that meditates in the morning and goes on runs. Nonetheless, I always wake at noon and feel guilty that I failed to execute the unrealistic endeavors I dreamt of the night before. I know I can not control this virus, but you’d think I could at least control myself.</text>
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